7 Dating Habits You Must Quit Immediately
Once in a while, I hear my single friends complain about their singlehood and how keeping a relationship going is difficult. They are not wrong — it is easy to fall in love, but it takes a lot of resources to keep that love alive.
More so at this point in time when it is so simple for people to ghost a man or woman they are dating out of nowhere. There is always one individual who believes things are running smoothly. Then, without warning, total silence. You do not know why and you do know whether or not you will hear from this person ever again. However, the truth is there is a reason why and perhaps it is due to some of us keep making the same dating mistakes repeatedly.
Now, I am no dating expert. However, I have spent enough time being single and being taken enough in my twenties to realise a couple of things. When my single friends repeatedly complain about the same subject, I cannot help but consider the common denominator here. Occasionally, I would listen to what they did in their dating life and at times, I would be thinking, “Why did you do what you did?” or “What makes you think that what you did will improve your relationship with your significant other?”
The world of dating has evolved significantly throughout the decades. It is not like the old days when a man would court a girl he had a crush on and then requests that she goes slow and steady. With technology being the core of our lives in this modern era, the dating game has become somewhat more confusing than before.
Taking that into consideration, I realised that I was going to need assistance. Specifically, I needed to obtain the female’s perspective as well. So, I had a casual discussion about this during a dinner with one of my friends whom I met while pursuing our university degrees.
Without her experience in the dating world, I would not be able to craft this list of bad habits. So, ladies and gentlemen, lo and behold, the seven dating habits that you need to stop doing now.
1. Deliberately starting a fight to observe how much they care
This should be common sense. However, my female counterpart said this occurs quite often, especially with women who want to know how much their man cherish them. Ladies, starting a fight is not the most ideal way to figure this out. Gentlemen, take note of this too.
There is absolutely no point in picking a fight with someone you care about. If she genuinely cares about you, she will demonstrate her concern for you through her actions. Instigating a fight will never prove she likes you more. Instead, it will make her believe you have a sensitive temperament and are always looking for trouble.
2. Stalking their social media profile and activities
The first dating rule states that you should not spy on your significant other’s social media profile and activities. There are two reasons.
Firstly, the whole idea of dating is to learn more about each other face-to-face, not virtually. Suppose you follow their social media movements and already familiarise yourself with the names of their entire household on the first date. In that case, you are taking away their opportunity to tell you more about themselves. When you have gone that far, your attention will no longer be on them but instead on finding out when you will meet their family members.
Secondly, it will drive you insane. Suppose that you and your partner have been dating for a few weeks, perhaps even several months. Do not keep yourself engaged in this stalking activity. When you see something you do not like or acknowledge a picture of theirs that make you jealous, you will make yourself go insane. Do not underestimate the destructive power of emotions. You may drive yourself nuts if you see some guy commenting on her picture. Alternatively, you may be jealous because she tagged some random dude on one of her pictures on Instagram.
Whichever way you see it, there is only one inevitable conclusion: both parties are the losers.
3. Quitting too quickly
My female friend is of the opinion that women should not have sex with someone just because they believe their man like them more. Additionally, she believed that if a woman is pressuring her man to have sex before the man himself is ready, it is clear that the woman is present not for the relationship but instead to satisfy her sexual desire.
However, it is worth pointing out that having sex is an important component of a relationship. There are tales of romance that work out after sex on the first date. But then again, this is not applicable for everyone. If someone truly wants to know you from A to Z, they will suppress their hormones to accomplish that.
They will play the waiting game until you are ready to take the relationship to the next level because sex is not what they are after, you are.
4. Being something you are not
This is perhaps one of the most monumental mistakes we all make. At the start of any relationship, we present our best selves because we want the other person to observe all of our bright qualities. However, this does not mean you have to alter your identity.
Just because the woman sitting in front of you likes freediving does not imply that you have to like them too. The person will eventually see through your mask and come to the realisation that they have been lied to. You can then say goodbye to the relationship.
You should be accepted for who you are. Believe me, it is way more exciting to date someone when you are completely being yourself than when you have to always select your words carefully.
5. Being too picky
Believing that you are perfect in every way is wishful thinking. The reality is that everyone has their shortcomings, and we must stop being so selective when we are in the dating realm. You need to stop focusing and emphasising all the imperfections in the person you are dating with. Otherwise, you are not going anywhere with anyone because you are constantly seeking perfection.
However, you can seek the perfect being for you, despite their imperfections. I am confident they will accept your flaws and imperfections if you return the favour in an identical fashion. Just consider, you may be missing out on someone charming because you dislike their table manners or the colour of their skin.
6. Putting your relationship in the competition game
Suppose you and your friend both begin dating someone new around the same point in time, and your friend’s relationship is maturing faster than yours. Please, at all costs, do not compare your relationship to theirs. Comparing your relationship to another’s is like comparing an apple with an orange — everyone’s love story is different.
You need to remember that no two relationships are identical when you start comparing yours to your friend’s. Everyone has to do things at their own pace. If you apply pressure onto your partner to stay ahead of everyone else, you are the one who is going to lose because your partner will push you away for setting unrealistic expectations.
7. Being the prisoner of the past
One thing I notice pretty frequently, something I did a lot in the past, is pointing fingers at the person you are developing a relationship with for what someone else did to you.
Half the time, you might be unaware that you are doing this to them. If someone cheated on you, it is unrealistic to assume that the new person in your life will cheat too. It will just leave you paranoid, just like Adolf Hitler shortly after the 20 July plot.
You need to make peace with those insecurities to offer your new relationship partner a real chance to understand you better.
I hope this list adds value to your dating enterprises. By getting rid of some of these habits myself, I know I have discovered joy in the dating world, and my only hope is that you do as well.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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