Mrs. Claus Knows Who Runs the Show
Not much is known about Mrs. Claus. Shes obviously Santas partner in presents, but what does she actually do up there in the North Pole? It turns out, a whole lot. In a rare interview, we sit down with the CEO, COO, CPO, and CFO of the Claus family operation to learn the history of Santa HQ, how she manages so many elves and reindeer, and what she really wants for Christmas this year. Read on for more.
I GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN OUTSIDE OF BOSTON. My father worked for the post office, and my mother ran the gift shop at our local hospital. I originally didnt want to go into the family businessI had dreams of moving to New York and working in advertising. The year I was supposed to move, we had a big blizzard, and I spent Christmas Eve with my dad, making sure he got everyone their packages in time, and the next day (Christmas), we were at the hospital helping my mother. We really felt like heroes, and I realized I didnt know if Id feel that way writing taglines for a paper towel company. But I went to New York for a few months anyway, mostly to dance and meet guys and get the whole thing out of my system. It was there that I met Santa. He was bartending at a dump in Queens, and he made me a killer hot toddy.
THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF SANTA CLAUS WAS MY IDEA. If you ask Santa, hell tell you the same thing. The only reason Im not the one in the sleigh is that Im afraid of heights. I had the idea a year after we met. We moved to Boston to be closer to my parents and because I thought maybe Id take over the gift shop from my mother. But Santa and I got to talking one night, and I was like, Babe, we really enjoy giving presents. What if we made it a full-time thing? Something I really appreciate about Santa is that hes always up for an adventure, and he said yes, with one stipulation: the elves. They had to come along.
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WE CHOSE THE NORTH POLE BY CHANCE. We literally threw a dart at a map, and it landed on the top. How silly, right? We didnt know anyone who had ever been to the North Pole before, but the flights were wicked cheap, and Ive got a soft spot for polar bears. We booked tickets the next day. In hindsight, we probably shouldve done more research. I could be living in Cabo right now!
THERE ARE VERY FEW WOMEN IN THE NORTH POLE. I try to meet with every female hiker, adventurer, nature documentarian, scientist, and Christmas enthusiast in the area, but it can get lonely up here. I recently quit Facebook, but I try to stay abreast of my friends lives on Instagram, and I make it a point to schedule regular phone dates. Everyone knows that this time of year is particularly difficult for me, but harder still would be living without all of the wonderful women in my life. So I make staying in touch a real priority.
IM THE TOP DOG IN OUR C-SUITE. Im the CEO, COO, CPO, and CFO of this operation. Santa does a lot of the behind-the-scenes work, too, but hes mostly busy being a spokesperson (and frankly, hes not as detail-oriented as I am). Im the one who makes sure were sourcing toys responsibly (when our own factory cant make them), signing off on all the elves PTO, and running all-hands meetings. Im not a mean boss, but its not something Santa could do. Hes got that big heart and just wants to say yes to everyone. To be a strong leader, you cant let people (or reindeer) confuse your kindness for weakness. Thats definitely something Ive learned the hard way.
WE START PLANNING THE NEXT CHRISTMAS ON DECEMBER 26. Weve definitely developed some foolproof systems over the years, but the world changes so fast, we constantly need to adapt. Like, when we first started doing this fifty years ago, there was no such thing as GPS or drones. Now we can be so much more efficient. That said, other factors slow us down. The elves want to take selfies in every major city (they call them elfies), and theyre constantly Snapchatting each other. Theyre unionized, and they have in their contract that theyre allowed to do this. Its fine, it just means we need to build in the extra time for their shenanigans.
I DONT REGRET NOT HAVING CHILDREN OF MY OWN. Pregnancy and motherhood scare the sh-t out of me. I can hardly watch the reindeer give birth! But, my job is sort of like being the worlds coolest aunt. I dont have to change diapers or care for children on a day-to-day basis, but I get to give almost a billion of them presents every year. And they love me. No one ever resents Mrs. Claus.
SANTA IS VEGAN, BUT CHRISTMAS IS HIS ONE NIGHT OFF. He avoids dairy for health reasons, but he absolutely eats all the cookies and drinks all the milk people leave out for him. Luckily we have pretty good plumbing in the North Pole.
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS. Does Santa give you a present, too? Do you get to ask for anything you want? Yes, and yes. I have it really good. But also I live in the North Pole, which is melting. Not to be a downer, but this year, Id love for people to do something about climate change. Like I said, I have a soft spot for polar bears, and things arent looking so good for them.
THAT SAID, I AM A WOMAN WHO APPRECIATES NICE THINGS. I love a beautiful dress, a cashmere scarf, or a pair of sparkly earrings. Even though its only me, Santa, and the elves up here, every now and then, I like to put on some Beyonc and get dressed up and feel good. So many women fantasize about Santa sliding down their chimneys; I like to keep it sexy when I can.